The days to a new year always bring about the heavy onset of reflections; mixture of regrets, pride in the things accomplished and mostly gratitude to the people who stuck through in times of crisis. Well, I can’t speak for everyone but myself and these thoughts alongside the fervent need to make the remaining days of 2018 a good one.
My last few days were spent in good company with family and good friends in fits of laughter amidst harmless teasing. I also felt the need to look back at what I had achieved in the past year, as sort of a report card of my life. Writing these thoughts down seem to be opening a box of dusty treasure trove of so many emotions which I will have to stay on track.
Two skills that I have learnt in 2018 was:
- Got my toes wet in Adobe Photoshop and Illustrator – programmes which I have never had formal education on and that I thought I would never have the need to learn in life
- Learnt the Application of Single Eyelash Extensions – I had this burning desire to learn this as a possible viable skill that I can tap on if I were to backpack/travel/migrate and needed to support myself quickly. I think my discomfort in things then, pushed me to find comfort and stability in things that I liked, no matter how uncanny they are/were. The bottom line was, I enjoyed learning and it reminded me to pursue things that I liked that put a smile on my face.
In 2018, I also had this nagging reminder of carpe diem, to seize the day.
That life is short and to cherish it. I often feel that I should be the one to give myself the richest in life and there is no time to wait for someone to do the things you deserve for yourself.
Although truth be told, it is indeed nice to receive acts of kindness and generosity. Yet I don’t think hankering, desiring and the shameless belief that someone owes you that gesture of generosity (mind how the definitions of it vary between persons) of material goods or personal time to make one feel ‘special’ no matter the occasion, should stand.
This brings to my point of ‘pettiness’, and I don’t think I have the emotional resilience and precious time to soothe the fragile egos of prince and princesses who should perhaps better deal with their own issues before projecting their insecurities on others. I no longer have the resilience to go over the minute occurrences with long-drawn explanations and clarifications to placate the unsatisfied frowns. Or to listen to embarrassing lies played out to the songs of high-strung egos and to silently accept them to maintain what’s worth of it all.
This year, I am going to distant myself from toxic negativity and instead focus on healthy relationships, personal growth and deepen the practice of gratitude and wellness. It is too easy to get swayed by ‘never being enough’. With ‘enough’ being a highly-inaccurate, shaky yardstick of influences around one, especially with the prevalent high consumption of social media (yours truly is guilty as charged), we seem to be pursuing an ‘enough’ that is never, ever enough. From the jet-setting lifestyle of the rich and famous on your Instagram feed to your neighbor who now brings home a 6-digit income who has a loving partner and a kid that won the National Math Olympiad, the grass will always look greener from the other side. Living in one of the most expensive city, Singapore and being bombarded with ideas of things I should want and need, not withstanding the people around me who might project their fears of ‘never being enough’ sub-consciously on me – I have to remind myself that I am enough.
I wish you joy, peace and wisdom for the year ahead.